A Promising New Business Opportunity!!


[Note exclamation points – writerly people understand this to be evidence of satire]

I was reflecting this morning about my recent experience as a victim of internet phishing, where someone from somewhere used my address book to send a message that I was stranded in UK and needed some money.

Everyone who contacted me in that failed attempt indicated that they knew it was a scam when the read the email. Why? Because the email (a) did not have a personal address (e.g., “Hey Joe”), but more notably (b) was barely literate.

This brought me some small measure of pride, that many of my friends would be so confident in my literacy. Really!

My brother, a very smart man, traded emails with the villain, tricking him into sending increasingly illiterate messages in his futile attempt to explain exactly how to send a cash money order through Western Union (“prefably at a Wall Mart” – no fooling, I saw it!). He then kidded me that he could make a good living as a proof reader for internet scam artists. Ha-ha. That’s what big brothers are for.

Then I got this email a minute ago. It was titled:

Bank Of America Online Account Update !!!

Yes. I am quite sure that the biggest consumer bank in the United States has corporate communications people who use THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS in their email correspondences.

Then there was this line below the bogus BOA email address:

Reply to: mysterys829@gmail.com

Excuse me? Of the three people left reading who might grant the corporate PR intern the slack for the “!!!,” who’s still on board for the possible bona fides of this email? Show of hands. The rest of you – send a porn link to “mysterys829@gmail.com” (from a safe email address, of course!!!).

Now lets get to the meat and potatoes. Here is the body of the email [link disabled]:

Dear Bank Of America Customers :

Due to concerns, for the safety and integrity of your Online Banking Account we have issued this warning message.

It has come to our attention that your Online Banking Account information needs to be updated as part of our continuing commitment to protect your account in this year  2010 and to reduce the instance of fraud on our website. So we have decided to put an extra verification process to ensure your identity and your account security.

If you could please take 5-10 minutes out of your online experience and update your personal records you will not run into any future problems with the online service.

Please click on http://updatebankofamericaonline.xoxoxoxoxoxox/ to continue the verification process and ensure your account security. It is all about your security. Thank you.

Once you have updated your account records your bank of america online account service will not be interrupted and will continue as normal. .

Bank of America will periodically send you information and update about site changes and enhancements.

So here’s the business opportunity. My brother was right. Send a comment with the total number of mistakes in the above message, and I will bring you on as a partner. Together we can make a fortune ridding the internet thieves of the stigma of illiteracy.

A mind is a terrible thing to waist.


8 Responses to “A Promising New Business Opportunity!!”

  1. 1 Phillipa

    A friend was selling an old car through some online classifieds. An Australian from Sydney responded. This buyer wanted to purchase the car, sight unseen, and asked that my friend forward his bank details and mailing address so he, the buyer, could pay in advance. When asked, by email, why he wanted to do this, the buyer replied he was in the Bahamas on a seal fishing trip and was just doing this for his son, and this was the easiest way.

    The suburb he gave in Sydney doesn’t exist, he gave the postcode of the Melbourne CBD, I’m certain there are no seals in the Bahamas and if by some miracle there were, I don’t think seal ‘fishing’ would be allowed, and I’m positive Australians who go to the Bahamas don’t buy third hand clapped out cars over the internet.

  2. So… What happened? Did they get any seals?

  3. I’m wondering if you’re now on some kind scam list that gets sold from the back of a comic book. I can see the ad now: Want to get rich on the Internet? Don’t have a high school diploma?

  4. NOW we’re brainstorming peeps!

  5. 5 Phillipa

    yeah … a whole swag of them, made himself a million dollars and now he doesn’t have to scam on the internet

  6. 6 Sian

    I am most happy to speak you. I have happy style and am good looking with tallness. You like me much. email me at (slappersrus@gmail) with you bank details and I give you most happy serve.

    Whaddaya think? Could I make my fortune?

  7. It does boggle the mind why these people believe anyone will find such emails legit. Anyone who actually responds kind of deserves it, don’t you think?


  8. You’re too funny. You and your brother. I’m always so surprised at how many people fall victim to these things. I guess, in all truth, I shouldn’t be that shocked.
    Ooo, I love Jude’s user name (above me). Oinkandaway is so creative. 🙂

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