@#%$#&*% Bicyclists


Well!!!!!! The weather here in Scituate recently allowed us to sleep with windows open. I’m not so sure it was a good idea. Here’s a repost of something I did back in February, 2005. Imagine why I’m reminded of it…


I live on a winding country road near the seacoast. It must be listed on every roadmap in the fanny pack of that rabid recreational sports enthusiast: The Bicyclist.

This is not a diatribe about sharing the road with bicycles. I am happy to share any roadway (generously, as some are personal injury lawyers) with them, don’t get me wrong. My gripe lies elsewhere.

Bicyclists seldom ride alone. They ride in groups, and they are a gabby lot. As pods of spinners travel through my slumbering neighborhood, they engage loud conversation. Legs pumping away, blood coursing through their muscles, ears ringing with the exhilaration of their aerobic rush, they  converse like they’re talking to a date at a rock concert.

When I fretted about this at a neighborhood barbecue, one of my neighbors dismissed me: “They come and go in a flash, what are you complaining about?” Easy for her; she lives a quarter mile from the road.

I am complaining about exactly that – they do come and go.

If I am to be awakened against my will at 5:00 am on a Saturday morning, I want the opportunity to scream the expletive of my choice at the perpetrator. Ask my next-door neighbor. He tried power washing his house at 8:00 am on the morning of a National holiday. Over racket of his gas-powered air compressor, I was able to sneak right up and screamed in his ear. Very fulfilling experience.

But the darting and elusive bicyclist is gone before I have completely awakened. If I could return to my slumber, things wouldn’t be so bad. But when your in a dream state and your mind registers only the words “…my sister-in-law’s bathing suit…” what do you do?

You ruminate. Did his wife catch him wearing his sister-in-law’s bathing suit? Was he making fun of his fellow rider’s striped attire? Has his wife had some recent success in weight loss? By the time I have exhausted all possibilities, it is 7:15 and anyone in my way is to be pitied.

Between the bicyclists and my neighbor, I think I’ll just have to power wash the bottom of my driveway every Saturday morning.


10 Responses to “@#%$#&*% Bicyclists”

  1. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Tell us how you really feel.


  2. 2 Terry

    Ah, yes, power wash your driveway on Saturday morning. Power washing is the best revenge…

    Funny post!

  3. 3 Gordon

    I can well relate to this. Thanks for a very funny article.

  4. 4 M M Bennetts

    Ha ha ha.

    Weird thing about cyclists in the UK…you’ll never see one smiling. They all look grim as death with a sadistic grudge against humanity and a vicious hangover. So why do they do it if it makes them into such miserable *****?

  5. 5 Sian


    Red faced, steam escaping from the ears, stomping around like a bear with toothache. I can picture you now.

    Great article (except for your/you’re).


  6. You are so funny! I don’t blame you, I couldn’t hang with it either. Personally I think if bicyclists want my road space, they should have to pay a license fee or something of that sort. Otherwise, we have all these lovely trails, all over the freakin’ place that they are free to pedal away on. I’m just a gripey ol’ gal I guess.

  7. Glad you’re not griping about cyclists who bike from A to B, Pete.

    We are often hated by London motorists, as we are faster, slimmer, and fitter than they are, plus we’re not paying a fortune to sit in traffic.

    Why should we pay a license fee, Lisa? Bikes don’t wear out the roads, or cause pollution, and seldom injure anyone. Unlike cars.

  8. 8 Peter

    There will be no debating the public policy of shared roadways in this venue. Pro-bike versus anti-bike is worse than Tea Party versus Obamania.

  9. LOL! You would hate to live on my street. In the winter it’s the battle of the snowblowers. I think every neighbor with a boy part revs up his engine at the butt crack of dawn just to say they plowed their driveway first.

    Testerone at its finest!

    You have my sympathies. It must be tough falling back asleep when thinking about bikini clad women. : )

  1. 1 Bicycles are Funny » Write Me!

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