The Law Is an Ass


Well, okay, not the law per se.

Reading my weekly legal newspaper (Mass Lawyers Weekly) is rarely this entertaining.

One John Queenan sought to buy himself some alcohol at a local package store (that’s the New England idiom for liquor store). Detecting that Mr. Queenan was unsteady on his feet, the female attend demurred. Queenan sought to explain his unsteady gait, telling the clerk he had a new artificial leg. She was unconvinced.

So Queenan dropped trou. Not just his trousers, but his tightey-whiteys too.

He was arrested, prosecuted and convicted of indecent exposure.

The Massachusetts Appeals Court reversed his conviction. It seems that under Massachusetts law, it isn’t enough that you expose yourself in public. The prosecution must prove that you offended someone. Here, when asked if she was offended, the clerk said, “to be perfectly honest, it didn’t bother me.”

Queenan’s defense lawyer explained:

“The prosecutor kept asking the clerk, ‘how did you feel about seeing the penis?’ and she kept saying it was no big deal and she felt sorry for the guy.”

Insert small penis jokes.

[We’re fiction writers – and we can’t make up stuff any better than this.]


16 Responses to “The Law Is an Ass”

  1. 1 M M Bennetts

    Ha ha ha!

  2. That story might even qualify for Ripley’s Believe It or Not.

  3. 3 Sian


  4. 4 mandyeward

    Now that is just classic…

  5. I’ve now read the case. Apparently, after he aired himself out, she walked him to the door and stayed outside with him until the cops arrived. He was angry and profane the whole time, but she just put up with it.

    I like people like that.

  6. As a liquor store attend, I can only shake my head and laugh. Yes, it’s happened! 😀

  7. Outstanding. Made my day!

  8. I love it. Do you have her number?

  9. Oh, I don’t know. I think Simes and ‘Xander have done a pretty rollicking job of it.



  10. 12 Margaret

    Great story, and frankly, an appropriate verdict.

  11. 13 Re-Pete

    I thought tighty-whities were out now ! You’re right Pete, there might be an Irish joke in there. No, wait …..Bulger is in custody. Just jailhouse rumors I guess.

  12. Great story, Pete. On the other hand, living in Scotland, it’s just run of the mill here.

  13. Oh my gosh that is hilarious! (And I love the title of your blog post.:) )


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