On Donald Trump and Franz Kafka

I don’t write (and try not to think too much) about politics these days, for health reasons.

So this has been a stressful few months, what with this Donald Trump stooge making a mockery of what I thought couldn’t be more of a mockery already. It seems there is no end to his willingness to say or do anything that guarantees the spotlight continues to shine on His Most Spectacular Self. I don’t blame the media for being moths to the flame, any more than I blame rubberneckers for gawking at a bad accident.

[This is not to exclude the rest of the cast of characters from derision, but this is not a political essay, see infra.]

When he finally entered the fray this time, my wife and I groaned and said, “oh no, not this asshole,” and reassured ourselves that nah, he was in it for the entertainment, he wouldn’t – he couldn’t possibly! – be taken seriously.

But the Capuchin jumped up on the barrel organ and the crowds began to gather, and now they’re packing stadiums, for crissakes, to get a look at this guy, to get close to him, to listen to his…his what? I don’t know what it is. He’s not a Presidential candidate, he’s a freaking spectacle.

Anyway, that’s not my point (although I feel much better having made it).

If you’re like me at all (God bless you), when you look at the world today and what politicians are willing to say and do to clutch power, sometimes – for amusement’s sake alone – you might try to compare this phenomenon to some of the world’s great literature.  Les Miserables comes to mind. It Can’t Happen Here. The Manchurian Candidate!

I found myself musing on this recently, thinking what was appropriate to Trumps continually massive crowds and polling data (which he will only be so happy to tell you about, whether you want to hear it or not!), and it came to me. I found that I had been using the adjective “absurd” a lot, and that brought me to thinking about A Hunger Artist, a brilliant allegory written by the great absurdist, Franz Kafka.

And with that discovery, I began to feel some sense of hope that he would eventually go away. Or more accurately, that the crowds would go away. That he would be ignored. Like the hunger artist, people would eventually tire of his performance and move on to the other attractions.

I mused for a while about the prospect that on the morning of the next debate Trump boycotts, he wakes up to discover that he is a giant beetle. I wondered how his outsized ego would deal with that.

As Trump’s antics rolled on unabated, and people who I know to be educated and intelligent continued to support and defend him, Kafka’s work came to mind again.

I reread In the Penal Colony, and now I have a mental image that will help me persevere in these trying times:

An explorer visits the penal colony, where an officer demonstrates to him the Harrow, an instrument used to inflict capital punishment. The Harrow is an extraordinarily elegant instrument (as the officer is only too proud to explain): the condemned man lies face-down on a Bed, while a complex system of needles inscribes the commandment he has broken (e.g. HONOR THY SUPERIORS) on his back. The needles pierce deeper and deeper until the prisoner dies. In the process of dying, however, the condemned man finally understands the nature of justice and his punishment. His face is transfigured, a sight edifying to all those who watch. The officer begins to demonstrate the Harrow on a prisoner condemned to die because he was sleeping on duty.

The machine was conceived and developed by the former Commandant. It soon becomes clear that the explorer does not approve of the death-machine and that he feels morally bound to express this disapproval to the new Commandant, who is already known to have serious questions about using the Harrow as a method of punishment. Suddenly, the officer removes the condemned man from the Bed and takes his place. Before doing so, he adjusts the machine to inscribe “BE JUST.” The Harrow begins its grisly work on the officer’s back, but malfunctions and goes to pieces–but not before the self-condemned officer has been hacked and torn to pieces.

 

Of course, I wouldn’t want this to really happen, I just want him to go away. But a man can dream.

B.B. King and the source of inspiration

This is going to sounds a little weird, but stay with me.

My routine Thursday nights involves taking my guitar to The Next Page Cafe in Weymouth, where an exceptional open mic blues jam happens. The host, Willie J. Laws, and his amazing band mates, Malcolm Stuckey (bass) and Osi Brathwaite (drums), are jaw dropping musicians and the crowd is enthusiastic and devoted.

The beauty of the open mic blues jam is you never know what you’re going to get. From one Thursday to the next, it is a different scene, different vibe, energy, gestalt. My objective is simply to draw from the energy of the moment and do something different, by inspiration alone – something I’ve never seen my fingers do before. It doesn’t happen that often, but it keeps me coming back.

Two Thursdays ago, during my “time” on guitar, there was a moment during a lead break of a slow blues number at which I spontaneously ripped off a string of textbook B.B. King riffs. These are riffs I’ve studied and practiced, but not ones I would typically play. They just happened to come into my fingers at the moment.

On my way home from The Next Page last Thursday night, I reflected back on the jam and wondered what inspired me at that moment to use those B.B. King signature riffs.

I learned the next day (with the rest of the world) that Mr. King had died Thursday night, right about the time those old riffs infiltrated my fingers. That was quite a Thrill!

Anyway, this was a lovely example of how and where we get our inspirations.

It’s no different from reading Cormac McCarthy novels and then dropping dialogue tags, is it?

Mr. King’s iconic guitar work, McCarthy’s ironclad prose. One style so simple, the other deep, both pushing different buttons.

I once had a conversation with Duke Robillard, one of the genuine guitar icons. I told him he was one of my main influences, and “I’ve ripped off so many of your riffs it’s embarrassing.”

He chuckled and said, “That’s the kind of compliment I like to hear. I probably got them from somebody else myself.”

UPDATE: My friend Ron Rudy reminded me of an important coda to this story. The following Thursday (last week), I made the horrendous mistake of trying to play a B.B. King song. I murdered it. It was awful. Which goes to show, inspiration cannot be forced. It either comes or it doesn’t.

A Full Irish Holiday

It looks like this Thanksgiving-Christmas holiday season is going to be Full Irish.Full Irish Cover MEDIUM WEB

This political suspense novel marks the return of Paul and Shannon Forté, several years after they had moved to Carmel following Paul’s acquittal on corruption charges. It also introduces Finola McGee, the brassy political editor of the Irish Telegraph, Dublin’s second biggest paper.

McGee is on a mission to find the murderer of an honest politician and close friend. Forté is hired in Boston to dig up dirt on a conniving Irish competitor.

When the two collide at a famous County Kerry castle and discover their mutual interests, the ensuing game plan is more Pink Panther than Hercule Poirot. In a sometimes madcap, sometimes dark adventure, Shannon lands a blow against lecherous politicians, McGee shows off her pole dancing prowess, an Anglo-Irish butler turns double-agent, and the zygomatic bone take disproportionate abuse.

But can the trio unravel the web of conspiracy stretching from the back corridors of Leinster House to the polished inner sanctum of the Massachusetts Senate?

Against the backdrop of the windswept west coast of Ireland and the watering holes of Dublin and Boston, Full Irish exposes a rivalry that goes to the very heart of politics.

_____

Susanne O’Leary and I started the project on May 1st. As my principal objective in seeking a collaborator was to find a more efficient way to produce a finished novel, this has been a smashing success. We did it smoothly, and we had a lot of fun (and very few arguments) doing it. I look forward to seeing how readers react to it.

While we finish up the details with formatting and the Createspace process, Susanne and I will begin to work on a sketch for the next one. Might be something to do with banking, or maybe the art market (to get Shannon more directly involved). If you have any wacky ideas, feel free to share them (for attribution or not).

 

 

Invitation to Co-author

A new solicitation, with more detail:

I am seeking a fellow writer of crime/mystery fiction to collaborate on up to a dozen novels during the next 4-5 years.

I am looking for a natural plotter whose talent is building the framework for a complete story – beginning, middle and end. We would then collaborate on story development, character development, subplots, etc. (to the extent necessary), and I would carry the bulk of the writing weight. My strength is in voice and characters, relationships, particularly dialogue, and hitting the emotional buttons. My style is lean. Compatibility of style is critical, especially as there will be shared responsibility/approval in the writing.

My objective is to find a full 50-50 partner with shared vision, production goals and responsibility.

The genre is crime/mystery fiction with legal and/or political context, and set in Boston or New England. I think the market is saturated with serial killers, child abduction, pedophilia, etc. perpetrated by the World’s Worst Badass. I don’t use a lot of violence, but not out of any ideology, I’m just trying to find a niche that everyone else isn’t crowding. The focus is on characters, relationships, emotional turmoil, all the good stuff that sucks the reader in for the ride. I try to bring readers into conflicts that they’re most familiar with (as opposed to taking them to a different world): fear of humiliation or embarrassment from one’s neighbors/friends/family; fractured familial relationships; people accused of crimes that appear out of character. I want to put readers in situations they could actually find themselves.

I have a second finished novel that features two former homicide detectives in the PI business – one white, one black, not unlike Spenser and Hawk. This first-in-a-series ms my agent brought to T&M and RH, to no avail. The second in the series is about 25k in, but I’ve stalled on the storyline due to my plotting disability. My agent and beta readers love the characters and their relationship – it’s the story development that is problematic. I’d like to continue with these two characters, but am open to beginning anew.

I have also been asked many times if the two characters (Paul and Shannon) from Diary of a Small Fish will be coming back. That is another possibility.

My desire is to find a collaboration that can produce novels that Thomas & Mercer will buy (and continue to buy). At this time, I am not interested in a traditional publishing deal. It’s either T&M or SP all the way. My relationship with my agent is superb, and I am looking for a collaboration that she will embrace.

I am nearing 60 years of age. I’ve been a professional (lawyer) for 35 years and I’ve raised two children to maturity. I have a sharp sense of humor and zero appetite for bullshit, game playing, passive aggressiveness, insecurity, jealousy or dishonesty. I speak directly, I say what I mean, and I have deep familiarity with phrases like, “I don’t know,” “I’m sorry,” “you’re right, I’m wrong,” and “I like your way better.”

If this sounds like something you would like to explore, send me an email at lottabaloney@gmail.com, along with a bio and the writing sample you feel best represents your strongest talent. If there is a good fit, we can explore further.

Bouchercon Debrief

At this moment, I sit at a bar in JFK awaiting my connecting flight back to Boston after 4 days at Bouchercon 2012 in Cleveland. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. It’s a great feeling. I submit my report:

Day One –

My late afternoon arrival allowed me just enough time to check into The Ritz (yes), clean up, register at the conference hotel (The aptly named “Renaissance”) and hit the hotel bar to scope out the scene. [NOTE: no matter what book conference you choose to attend, if you want to meet the denizens in their milieu, find the lobby bar, take a corner stool, and don’t relinquish it.]

Within minutes, I am engaged in a conversation with the only two people in the hotel who are not there for the conference. Then I tell them that Lee Child is present, and they get all giddy like fangirls and run off to find him.

Just as they leave, I am joined by Valerie Douglas, the host and founder of the Indie Author Group, a versatile, multi-published author in several genres, and just an all-around classy, down-to-earth Midwestern lady with a persistent smile.

I’m telling Valerie of my earlier twitter contacts with Jason Ashlock about his new noir mystery label, The Rogue Reader, and the launch party they had planned for Friday night. The Rogue Reader is the baby of Jason and Moveable Type partner Adam Chromy. So, as I am saying the words “Rogue Reader,” two guys walk into the bar and sit next to me – Adam Chromy and Ro Cuzon, author of Under the Dixie Moon, Rogue Reader’s debut release.

Are you sensing a little bit of synchronicity here?

Both of them recognize me – simply from the two or three tweets I’d exchanged with Jason about Rogue Reader. Adam’s first response: “I just followed you on Twitter!”

It’s a new day, my friends.

Shortly, Jason joins Adam and Ro. I had chatted briefly with Jason six months ago – the sort of “polite exchange” an aspiring writer like me could only hope to have with the president of a major New York literary agency. I chose to mention to him then that my daughter, Kate, was the managing editor of a lifestyle website in New York. (Aren’t I a good daddy?)

Jason’s first words to me (after hellos) are these:

“Tell me more about what your daughter is doing at The Greatist. I looked at the website, and it looks like they’re doing very well.”

I do not fool. He really did.

Adam Chromy and Jason Ashlock are pretty damn big deal agents, but they sure don’t “act” like it. They are curious, inquisitive, and just downright genuine folks.

At this point, I have goosebumps.

Ro Cuzon is a French citizen, born and raised in Brittany, transplanted to New Orleans after stints in San Francisco, St. Barts and elsewhere. He has (if I recall) 8 novels in his desk, the first six in French. He is self-taught, amazingly perceptive, humble, and very proud of his status as a stay-at-home dad for his daughter.

After this weekend, Ro’s debut ebook, Under the Dixie Moon, was ranked # 34 on Barnes & Noble, thanks to a B&N email to all customers of Laura Lippman and George Pelecanos (both New Orleans friends of Ro), and surely some savvy social media flogging by Adam and Jason.

Okay, so this is my intro to Bouchercon.

Off to the Grand Opening of the conference, aptly venued at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. At least a thousand people, rabbling in the huge open space of the main hall. I move around, meet my panel’s moderator, Lisa Brackmann, have an excellent chat with her, introduce her to Valerie (who happens by). Then, I am overcome with the sudden realization that I AM IN THE FREAKIN’ ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME! So I slip off on my own to experience 40 years of nostalgia.

I am wandering through the exhibits, getting chills as I see all kinds of retro stuff (how about Jimi Hendrix’s lime green suede boots, with skuff marks?), and then I realize something. Everyone else is by themselves, too. It’s as though a silent siren song lured dozens away from the throng of revelers. I came to discover the next day, asking around, that this was a common occurrence.

Back at the hotel bar after R&RHOF, there are dozens and dozens of authors, in various states of lubrication. Shamus Award winner Reed Farrell Coleman (who appears to be a gin man) is regaling us with hilarious arguments he’s had with his characters. Edgar Award winner Bruce DeSilva is telling me about his friendship with former Providence Mayor and felon, Buddy Cianci. Mike Cooper gives me blanket authentication of my Boston accent. Cara Brookins – the only person within two blocks who is completely sober – tells me her life story, which leaves me feeling insignificant, unaccomplished and weak. That’s about as much as I can remember, and I hit the hay at about 2:00 am.

Day Two

I come to realize that for some Bouchercon attendees, the morning panel discussions are just a way to pass time until the bar opens. I wander in and out, recognizing some of the panelists from the night before, impressed at their resilience. When lunchtime arrives, a grave tragedy is discovered. The bar has been staffed by one person, and she’s unfamiliar with the cash register. Service moves like cold molasses. But no one panics, and when the afternoon crew comes on, the oil starts flowing. I join Jason and Adam while they feverishly twitter away while eating health food. Afternoon panels are palpably more lively, their participants more exuberant.

At cocktail hour, a bash is held at the House of Blues, at which Dan Palmer shows off his chops on guitar and harp and Heather Graham performs with her own band, aptly called “The Slushpile.” I wasn’t invited. Sniff.

Friday night is The Rogue Reader bash, held offsite in an appropriately seedy basement bar called The Map Room. The party is celebrating their release of Cuzon’s debut novel, Under the Dixie Moon, and the November release of Mike Hogan’s newest novels, Dog Hills and Sistine. There are vats of special concoctions named after Cuzon’s books (the “Dixie Moon” and the “Carib Sun”). They taste fine and the vats are quickly drained. At this venue, I have amusing conversations with Mike Hogan, Andre Frieden, Cara Brookins, all authors who’ve published more work than I’ve got a right to expect I can ever match, and fellow newcomers Stuart Smith and Stephen Zippilli. But they’re all great, great people with fascinating life stories, and I am giddy to be with them. Another white flag is waved at 2:00 am.

Day Three

Unlike Friday, I had no trouble going back to sleep when my eyes snapped open at 7:00 am. Much more civilized at 10:00. I turn on my computer to check mail. Oh, look, Mike Hogan has sent me an email! He’s bought my book and wants to stay in touch. Wow, I seriously like this guy and attempt to buy his first two novels, but they are out of print (Random House, ahem) and there are no ebook versions. Note to self: WTF?

I check out a few of the panels. Lunch with the fabulous Rochelle Staab, writer of clever cozies and chief crit reader for moi (she is a lovely person, and a brutal reader). She scoffs when I tell her I don’t know if I can write more than three novels. “Get in line,” she says.

Mid-afternoon, and the bar is filling up earlier than yesterday. The problem lady has been relieved of her duties. The crowd is appreciative. Eric Christopherson (an old Authonomy pal and author of the seriously good novel, Crack-Up) shows up, I introduce him to Valerie Douglas and her husband, David. Pretty soon, through the permutations of bar osmosis, a critical mass is reached on a plan of attack for dinner, and off we go to Morton’s – me, Eric, Valerie, David, Cara, Andre, and our latest victim, Brad Parks, the Shamus Award and Nero Award winning author of the Carter Ross mystery series. At some point during the dinner, I realize that he’s a big deal, and he’s sitting with us. He realizes it too, because he starts to get antsy as the dinner plates are cleared.

Back to Mission Control for more loudmouth soup. Stories are told. Peals of laughter are heard. Tip jars overflow. Complete strangers are bosom buddies. Reed Coleman calls me “Pete” without looking down at my nametag. Bruce DeSilva tells more stories about Buddy Cianci. Ro and his buddy, Mario, are cracking the place up. I hit the wall. It must be 2:00 am again.

Day four

I have requested a wake-up call at 8:30, because, of course, I am a panelist on “The Politics of Murder,” which begins in the Grand Ballroom at the ridiculous hour of 10:30. I shower, throw everything into my bags so I can scram to the airport when I’m done. I am bleary-eyed, hoarse and by now, seriously doubtful about the legitimacy of me sitting on a panel with all of these amazingly talented and successful authors. How the hell did I get onto this panel? I better deliver to this huge crowd of…

… about two dozen, three of whom are barmates from the night before who’ve made book on whether I remain upright.

Good thing Moderator Lisa Brackmann knows (first hand) of my condition.

My fellow panelists are Allison Leotta (how do you get Lisa Scottoline, David Baldacci and George Pelecanos to write blurbs?), Mike Lawson (six award winning novels, including one named a top thriller by three publications in 2009) and Stuart Neville (a Northern Irish author of immense talent whose novel, The Twelve, was in the Best of 2009 lists of NY Times and LA Times and reviewed everywhere). If they suspect I am a poseur, they’re not showing it. I manage not to lose my train of thought or insult anyone. The small crowd seems to enjoy it, and it’s over before I know it.

Bouchercon is known as a “readers” event. While there are over three hundred authors participating, there are many more fans, and although they’re looking for the big names (Lee Child, Michael Connelly, Mary Higgins Clark, Charlaine Harris, Sara Paretsky), they love crime fiction and they love meeting new authors.

Here’s what impresses me more, though. There are an incredible number of published crime authors out there whose names are not shown front cover-out at B&N. They write dozens of novels because they love what they do. They come to Bouchercon because they enjoy being with other writers and their fans.

And they are, by and large, a special bunch of people.

Bouchercon 2012, down. Bouchercon 2013, Albany New York.

See you there.

The Law Is an Ass

Well, okay, not the law per se.

Reading my weekly legal newspaper (Mass Lawyers Weekly) is rarely this entertaining.

One John Queenan sought to buy himself some alcohol at a local package store (that’s the New England idiom for liquor store). Detecting that Mr. Queenan was unsteady on his feet, the female attend demurred. Queenan sought to explain his unsteady gait, telling the clerk he had a new artificial leg. She was unconvinced.

So Queenan dropped trou. Not just his trousers, but his tightey-whiteys too.

He was arrested, prosecuted and convicted of indecent exposure.

The Massachusetts Appeals Court reversed his conviction. It seems that under Massachusetts law, it isn’t enough that you expose yourself in public. The prosecution must prove that you offended someone. Here, when asked if she was offended, the clerk said, “to be perfectly honest, it didn’t bother me.”

Queenan’s defense lawyer explained:

“The prosecutor kept asking the clerk, ‘how did you feel about seeing the penis?’ and she kept saying it was no big deal and she felt sorry for the guy.”

Insert small penis jokes.

[We’re fiction writers – and we can’t make up stuff any better than this.]

Joining the Scrum

Last week, my friend Jill Marsh invited me to guest blog on her site. Jill is a UK writer based in Swizerland whom I met at The Bookshed, which you will see below. I thought I’d repost it here. Hi Jillie!

Some of this might sound repetitive to regulars. It’s a story I’ve told before, but honestly, I’m still pinching myself over this whole experience.

________________

Jill asked me to share that part of my journey wherein I decided to ditch my pursuit of the Holy Grail of traditional publication and join the ranks of the Great Unwashed (that’s how Big House editors look at us, I’m told).

First let’s get something straight. I am not a dreamer. I am a cynical, battle-scarred veteran of partisan politics and the trial courtroom. While I briefly entertained a dream of being a novelist back in college, it was quickly squelched by the pressure of parental expectations, economic reality, and the recognition that I had no life experience worth writing about.

So I went off and got some life experiences. The kind worth writing about. But it wasn’t until almost 20 years later that these experiences began to spill out of me in a story. A pal of mine asked back then, “do you have a novel in you?”

“Nah,” I said, and believed it.

Then my father died in August 2007. I’d been helping him with his memoirs when he became too weak to continue. After he left us, I tried to transform the work into a biography. But it was just too painful, and too soon. Still, I needed to find a way to grieve, and I found burying myself in a story was a pretty good way to do it.

One day I found youwriteon.com, where Jill’s pal John Hudspith found something within the rough first chapter I’d put up there that glimmered through the crap. I don’t know what it was, or why he thought so, but he invited me to join him and Jill and a lot of other awesome writers at a place called The Bookshed, and 18 months of merciless flogging later, I typed “the end.”

I did not write a novel to become a novelist. I had no illusions of big advances or Hollywood movie deals. I just wrote a novel, and people seemed to like it. I wrote some short stories and people seemed to like them. And I had a blast doing it, so what the hell, right? You enjoy doing something, why not see how far you can go with it? Surely, somewhere not far down the road, cold reality would slap me silly.

I started two more novels, just in case.

Going 0-for-120 on the query trail didn’t really bother me. This novel must not be as good as people say, I thought. Hell, a lot of folks think the food at Denny’s is pretty good, but we know differently, don’t we? It was the same as cooking. A lot of my friends thought I was a pretty good cook, too; but I’d never thought I was qualified to run the kitchen at a five star restaurant.

Then I went to my first writer’s conference in November of 2009, The New England Crime Bake. The first day, I attended a pitch practice session. Fate’s fickle hand at work, you know. I sat at the first empty seat, next to a lady I’d never met. She happened to be the agent. She went around the table, listening to stumbling and stuttering neophytes who hadn’t known what at all to expect. But I had practiced my elevator pitch. I sure had.

“What have you got,” she said to me, wearily.

Diary of a Small Fish is about a virtuous man who gets indicted for playing golf.”

A couple of giggles from the others.

“I want to read that,” she said.

Heh, what can I say? She’s married to a trial lawyer. She read it and loved it. He read it and loved it. Dumb luck. Nothing more.

Six months later, I signed on with Christine Witthohn at Book Cents Literary, but not until I’d spoken to a half dozen of her current clients, published and unpublished (at her insistence). The lady had sold practically everything she’d put her hands on. She must know what the hell sells!

Still, I am a cynic, you recall. I do not entertain fanciful dreams.

During the next nine months, I did significant revisions to the manuscript, based upon long conversations with Christine – and her husband, Jeff Mehalic. In that stretch of time, I might have sent Christine a dozen emails. She responded to every one of them within two hours, mostly by phone – except once, when she was stranded in Italy.

I know there are other cynics out there who find this preposterous. An agent responding to an email with a phone call? Within an hour? Like I said. Dumb luck.

These developments occurred, you will note, during the onset of the “ebook revolution.” Self-publishing was developing at light speed, and there were dozens of pioneers blazing the trails. I followed this closely, because many of my Authonomy friends were trailblazers.

In December of 2010, Christine submitted DOSF to editors at 7 publishers – editors she knew. Editors she’d sold stuff to before. But she told me when she did, “I’m not sure I can sell your book.”

You see, it didn’t fit neatly into the mystery/crime/suspense genre. (As Jill’s lovely review begins, “What exactly IS this book? Yes, it’s a political mystery. It’s also a love story. It explores corruption, honour and integrity. And it’s funny. But how to define it?”)

The wait began. That ridiculous, inexplicable, infuriating wait where even your own agent’s inquiries to them go unanswered. Two months, three, four. Okay, that’s to be expected. But more?

In the meantime, Joe Konrath, Dean Wesley Smith, Barry Eisler, Amanda Hocking, John Locke and dozens of others filled the internet with dazzling information. Bloggers like Robin Sullivan kept tabs on a growing number of self-published authors making a serious living! Selling ebooks at 99 cents!

Get out of town. Seriously. And I was sitting on my hands waiting for a response, 6 months now.

June arrived. Christine and I had a heart-to-heart.

My novel is Boston-centric. It involves the shadows of personalities still walking, big names in politics being tried and convicted of the very same crimes my poor virtuous protagonist is accused of. At that very time! There was a market for this fiction, right here, right now! I was missing it! I couldn’t wait!

Christine’s response was simple:

  1. When you want to withdraw DOSF from submission, say the word, and I’ll call them.
  2. If you want to self-publish, then do these things first: (a) put up a single short story that’s really, really good, for FREE, (b) put up a collection of short stories a month later for 99 cents, (c) bust your ass creating buzz in advance of DOSF release, and (d) keep busting your ass to sell it.

Like a man looking at a break-up with his first true love, I asked, “What about us?”

Seriously! I had snagged one of the hottest agents in the business, and one who not only had a conscience, but a clear one at that. A lady as righteous and morally sound as my own protagonist! How could I take my only property off the market and negate the subject matter of our contract?

“We’ll use DOSF as a platform to sell your next one. And if it does well enough in the meantime, I can still sell it.”

Dumb luck. I’d stumbled upon a literary agent who not only understood the changes that were coming, but embraced them, and encouraged me and several other of her authors to self-publish.

When Amazon announced their genre imprints, she was on the phone to them, grilling them about what they were looking for, and in some cases, delivering it.

When the 9 month anniversary of the DOSF submissions approached, when none of the 7 had even given her the courtesy of a reply, and when Amazon’s Thomas & Mercer took a pass, it was time to go ahead.

[Note: There are now several authors on Christine’s list (some signed to multi-book deals with Big 6 publishers) who have at least one self-published work available. Some shorts, some novellas, some novels.]

I self-published Diary of a Small Fish on October 1st. I worked hard on the launch, had a lot of help from writer friends who delivered some very nice reviews (none nicer than Jill’s), and sold some books. I ordered 100+ paper copies from Createspace, sold most of them in a month, ordered some more. I had a smoking hot launch party in the shadow of the State House, sent out a very smart press kit.

Why did I, the stubborn cynic, the world-weary ex-politician and trial lawyer, decide to go to all this work and trouble to self-publish a first novel? Why didn’t I put it on the shelf and move on to the next, as the Old Guard would have?

Because somewhere in the process – when I’d heard enough feedback from people whose opinions I respect and trust – and when I’d re-read enough of it for the 100th time, I realized how damn much I believe in this novel.

I’m no authority on fiction. I’m just a guy with a little storytelling talent. But I firmly believe that a successful novel is one that touches all of your emotions. Humor, sorrow, anger, hatred, love, hopelessness, panic, fear, elation, etc. I didn’t know that when I started writing.

I think that’s what DOSF does. And I wanted readers to experience it now, today, not in Q4 of 2013.

There is also this:

What is going on in fiction publishing today is truly revolutionary. Seldom is the use of that word so fitting. It was impossible for me to sit idly in the cheap seats, waiting for my prom date, when all that energy was burning on the dance floor below. There are some bad dancers down here, but they’re not stepping on my feet. And there are some really fabulous dancers, too. This is where the action is, here in the scrum. I want to have fun dancing, not compete in a marathon.

Embracing the Entrepreneurial Spirit!

Following the oft-inveighed advice to network and expand my platform, I participate in many social media-type forums. So many of them are really, really great.  Some of them are quite useless.

Yet, like the spectator of a horrific train accident, I am drawn back to them. Sometimes it is simply to marvel at the utter idiocy of some of the people who will follow their muse to the ends of the earth with no more clue when they get there than they have today. I know that sounds rather pompous of me – but I do not profess that I am less clueless. I just hide it better.

Seriously, though. Hanging around some of them will give you empathy for literary agents.

Anyway, aside from the schadenfreude, every day I join the thousands like me, trying to follow the lurching and jiving going on in the fiction publishing business. I posted about this a few months back, and even since then, earth quake changes have occurred – the most recent perhaps being Amazon’s rapid and aggressive entry into the publishing business with their own genre imprints.

These are heady days, of course, and I’ve heard it said so many times by agents, editors and writers alike that “there is no better time to be a writer.” Why? Because our dreams of publication, of readership, are not dependent on anyone but our artistic, entrepreneurial selves.

The gatekeepers are keeping gates, but you don’t have to go through them to get to the Promised Land. It’s like the scene in Blazing Saddles with the tollbooth in the desert. We don’t need a shitload of dimes any more.

Anyway, among the less useful venues I monitor are a half-dozen of the bazillion writing-related groups on LinkedIn. Here is a place where the most oblivious of aspirants gather to ask silly questions while a few others hold court and burnish their Big Brass Badges of Blovitus. With rare exception, I have succeeded in staying away from the discussions.

It is the rare exception about which I post here.

In one discussion, a self-published author posted the following:

Self-publishing kills your book??? A literary agent just told me he can’t pick up my series because I self-published the first book and publishers won’t take on pre-printed work even if the author still holds all the rights. Is that true?

In another, a fellow asked:

Can anybody help in FINDING A GOOD BOOK AGENT to sell a self published book ?

 Do you see where this is going? Along followed the responses:

Self-publishing is “the kiss of death.” No agent or publisher will touch your work or ever take you seriously.

 In order for you to be a “serious” author, you must be traditionally published (even if it’s some obscure publisher in a far off land).

 Self-published books are virtually always total crap written by rank amateurs, and most only sell a few dozen copies to polite family members.

There was a day (not long ago) when each of these statements was unqualifiedly true. But just like the warnings children used to receive about masturbation causing blindness, they are antiquated and wrong. (Well, okay, there is a lot of crap being self-published – but there’s a lot of crap being bought, too.)

Anyway, I couldn’t resist a good argument.

I pointed to Life After Self-publishing, Chuck Sambuchino’s September 2008 article in Writer’s Digest – even back then agents were looking at serious prospects in the self-published marketplace.

And Forbes Magazine’s October 2010 article, Literary Agents Open the Door to Self-published Writers, which refers to New York agent Jim Levine being “on the crest of a wave of agents beginning to represent authors who’ve self-published and are seeking mainstream commercial publication.”

Today? I can’t keep a straight face when you talk to me about the “stigma” of the self-published author. I know too many talented people, serious about their craft, who chose to self-publish because they lacked confidence in a demonstrably failing business model. They had written work that didn’t fit into little boxes. They split genres. They wrote about things that were too hard to “sell” or wouldn’t have a big enough audience. They tackled things that were “too controversial.”

And many other serious writers who – yeah – failed to attract the attention of traditional publishers and saw self-publishing as a way to get readers without them.

And they’re selling thousands and thousands of books. Stigma?  Get outta my face.

Back in the 1960’s, Frank Zappa had a little band called the Mothers of Invention. They wrote and performed music that was, shall we say, ahead of its time. Seeking his first record deal, Zappa was rejected by the suits at Dot Records because his music had “no commercial potential.” More than 30 years later, Zappa released his 34th album, a compilation of his work appropriately entitled Strictly Commercial.

Nobody can lay claim to knowing what sells, except maybe P.T. Barnum. And besides, who says sales volume is any indication of quality? I’ll take Junot Diaz over Stephanie Meyer any day.

It really is a great time to be a writer. It’s a great time to be a musician. An artist. To be involved in any of the expressive arts that can be conveyed in gigabytes with crystal clarity to every nook and cranny of the globe that is served by a satellite.  If traditional publishers don’t get the message and start using the self-pub market as their own sort of farm team, they’ll be watching from the cheap seats while the show goes on.

How to get on the NYT Bestseller List?

Bennett Cerf, the co-founder of Random House (better know to the people of my generation as one of the panelists on What’s My Line?) told this story in his 1956 book, The Life of the Party: A New Collection of Stories and Anecdotes (now available on eBay for $1.99)
Rumor is that a pedestrian on Fifty-seventh Street, Manhattan, stopped Jascha Heifetz and inquired, “Could you tell me how to get to Carnegie Hall?”

“Yes,” said Heifetz. “Practice!”
(The joke is also referenced in Quentin Tarantino‘s Inglourious Basterds when Brad Pitt‘s character Aldo says “You know how you get to Carnegie Hall, don’t ya? Practice”.) 

Clearly, Heifitz’s invocation is well-applied not just to music, but practically every skill acquired by mankind.
So how does an aspiring novelist practice? Food fights have started over less controversial questions.
Well, of course, you must write! But what good is writing all the time if you don’t know what you’re doing? You have to know what you’re doing. How do you learn what you’re doing? Some insist you must go to school and acquire a Masters in Fine Arts. Catcalls and brickbats ensue.
Here’s a suggestion that I learned from James N. Frey, in his superb how-to book, How To Write a Damn Good Novel. [N.B. Frey is one of dozens of successful novelists who’ve shared their ideas, methods and suggestions. An aspiring novelist who doesn’t read these – at least some of them – isn’t, in my opinion, serious about becoming a successful writer.]
Besides being a multi-published novelist, Frey has taught creative writing at a number of institutions for two decades. He was Teacher of the Year at UCLA Berkeley in 1994. His methods of teaching are alluded to repeatedly in his books, which are universally praised. Bottom line, a good guy to listen to.
Frey has his students select a work of fiction by their favorite author. They then select 2-3 pages from the book that they find particularly excellent, and then copy it. Word for word.
Here’s what Frey says about it:
You will not only get a feel for how good stylists use words, you will feel the timing and the rhythm of their prose and the snap, crackle and pop of their dialogue.
The next day, write a few pages imitating the style. If the scene you typed out is an outdoor scene with a lot of action, write the same sort of scene, trying your best to imitate style.
Do this with other authors you admire, regularly. Here’s what he says the result is:
By doing these exercises, you’ll soon discover that your own, individual, distinctive styles will emerge, styles suited to your personality and to the particular story you are writing, styles unlike any of the styles you’ve been imitating.
We all have favorite authors. They all have their own style and methods. Very few of them are similar. We aspire to write like our favorites, or at least to learn how it is and why it is that these authors succeed in their craft. We can do that by sitting in a classroom and deconstructing sentences, examining their syntax, etc. Like MFA students do, maybe. I’d just as soon jump into the polar bear pit at the zoo.
But here is an exercise where, Frey assures us, we can see measurable results, and rather quickly:
Doing the following exercise a half-hour to an hour a day has made some of the worst prose-writing students in my classes into some of the best… in a few months – or less. Often the improvement is very rapid and the degree of improvement is astonishing.
A final word about reading.
You cannot become a better novelist without reading novels. Not just a few, but dozens. Hundreds. Maybe the exercise above reduces the number of Leonard novels from 15 to 10, but if you want to write mysteries like Elmore Leonard, you have to read everything Elmore Leonard has ever written. Otherwise, you’ll probably end up sounding like an amateur who’s copying Elmore Leonard.
Until about 7 years ago, I didn’t read that many novels – maybe 5-8 per year. Now I read 5-8 per month.
That’s practice.
Practice, practice, practice!